Sunday, July 24, 2005

Adventures on Planet Aneros Episode I

I obviously suck at this blog thing. Already I have broken (I prefer “revised”) one of the key aspects of this blog that I’ve discussed below which is only to engage in any kind of sexual activity with partner. Naughty R~H~B~H!!!!

No, I didn’t engage in sexual activity with anyone else! Well, not in real life anyway…there was me as schoolteacher, my partner, and another teacher treating her like a fifteen-year-old schoolgirl whore in the gym in a shared fantasy yesterday (but that’s a story to come later…)

No, after writing my entry on the 22nd July (“Oh Yeah…about my blog”) I ended up going on a feverous rampage through Sluttsville-Sur-La-Webbe following links from the likes of Dirty Boy and Belle De Jour which took me to all sorts of dark and wonderful places laced with photos, words, and mpegs…FANTASTIC!!!

Then that thing happened to me…maybe you know what I mean…it’s like the creative daring sexual juices start to flow. The Inner-Whore takes a trip out to the sexual boundaries and returns wide-eyed and giddy with alluring inspiration for adventure. “X” marks the spot.

The feeling (for me at least) begins in the very depths of the Lower Slutosphere – somewhere between the arse and the genitals. It’s the place where certain inspirational ideas take shape – and somehow, as yet undiscovered by medical science, the body begins to communicate these ideas as a warm, relaxing feeling that really slowly sweeps along your body with a wave of goose-bumps that seems to slowly melt your bottom into your chair.

The ideas seem subtle at first but then become louder because they are coming to you differently. You’re not entirely sure it is happening at first. And then there is that feeling that you are doing something naughty. And there is that moment. That hand-in-the-honey-pot moment just before the idea has that causal effect in your mind, where you quickly look behind you to see if anyone is watching, or if anyone has heard. It’s like a late-childhood recognition of eroding innocence – a rude awakening if you will (and it was).

I suddenly remembered about a sex toy for men I’d seen on the Internet called the Aneros (“The Male G-Spot Stimulator”, “The Most Exciting Development in the Art of Personal Orgasms” – can an orgasm be impersonal?!?).

Eventually I found the website for it and then got it on order. It just arrived this morning…

Now I’d be lying if I said this was going to be the first time I’d inserted something in that holiest of holes (the rectum). I once bought an anal vibrator that did absolutely nothing for me and subsequently ended up at first being stored in a dark corner of the attic as a shameful secret out of sight of my sexually retarded ex-girlfriend, and then eventually it got binned (as did the vibrator).

So now, in this incalculably amazing relationship I have with my wife-to-be I felt no qualms in buying this new toy and confessing all. She seemed to be as excited as I was! What a fab fab woman she is!

So it’s coming up to the moment of truth…

The amazing fucked up and poetic thing about this is that I just took it out of it’s packaging and suddenly realised that whoever designed it seemed to have been inspired by the G4 Flat Screen iMac!!! I pissed myself laughing when I put it down next to my Mac and it seemed to be an additional piece of hardware.

Not just any piece of hardware but in good old Apple Macintosh product design it’s quite literally PLUG & PLAY!!!!

You know that care and consideration has gone into the design of a butt-plug when you don’t need to rush and hide it in a blind panic when your Granny is coming to stay (provided it’s been cleaned…oh God did I really just write that?)

Now…where did I put that lube?

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous wrote...

many thanks for the link (and the gratuitous plug!) - having fun browsing through your blog as we speak!
roger (Dirtyboy)

10:17 am  

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